And the race was on.

To court the gun lobby, Tinyman would advocate guns.

To win the minority vote, Tinyman would coin a newer, vaguer euphemism for Affirmative Action, but with more alliteration: Cutting Communities Checks.

To win the votes of the rich, and therefore a gigantic campaign apparatus, he would cut taxes.

To win the kids, he would be photographed wearing jeans and a tshirt.

To win the senior vote, he would appear onstage on television singing "Getting Sentimental Over You" in a duet with Barbara Shoepolish.

To win the election, his handlers would rig the entire thing.