think it would be a good idea to take a minute here to describe what we’re looking for in terms of a decent restaurant. Because we do like to eat out, you know. Restaurants can mean a lot. People eat out for a reason. Celebrations and public intimacy and fast friendly service. Eating without having to cook and drinking and laughing. I personally like a decent draft beer in a chilled stein. You want a nice selection of appetizers, not just the standard fried vegetables. You like a good jukebox, with songs that you remember. You like people to be dressed the way they would dress normally, as if the trip to the restaurant itself were not a special occasion but in fact a normal thing which it isn’t of course. Funds are exchanged. Services are performed. I like a place with a decent view of the harmonica player. I like a waitress with a sense of humor that is dry, and if I get champagne I want it that way too. I judge a Chinese restaurant solely on the quality of its hot and sour soup. I prefer to overtip, even when the service is only serviceable. Why be economical at the conclusion of an event that—regardless of which restaurant you visit, whether the Four Seasons or McWendyHardeeKing—surely must be recognized as a luxury.

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