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heres more, always more, of love and truth.
Theres when you look at yourself in the mirror. It can be a physical
mirror and it can be the mirror in your head and it can be a pane of
glass and it can be a puddle after weeks of rain. You think, that
wasnt love, or that was love, or that is lost love, or Ill never feel
that way again, or I wish I could do it over again even though it hurt
me motherfucking hurt me, or let me call this beloved, let me call that
beloved, or what I wouldnt do to feel again, or… It gets harder as
you age, one beloved said to another beloved, it gets harder; but as one
ages it becomes easier, too, to say that yes, I feel, I feel. So which is
it? Harder or easier or neither or both? For who and for whom and for
who? This was love, a story: she met him at the end of her life and
died not in his armsthat is how it used to happen, it doesnt happen
like this todaybut watching the path that hed walk to reach her, she
could almost see him when it happened. Love invites truth, it invites
the profound, but this isnt what it is. This isnt it. This isnt love.
Its too easy to conflate love with the truth, with the profound. Love
is something different though and we hope its here, somewhere, in this
story, this narrative, this place. Because for what else would we do
this? From where else would this come? What have we titled this place, the
home to these words, to the other words, to some small piece of some
small persons time, some group of persons laboring individually apart
mostly and without the time or the time-machine or the space-machine to
be all there forever, as in our infant stages we wish to live, one
supposes, pre-pregnancy, pre-birth? Here is the pain. The small things
that take you from now to now, the small things that you enjoy, the
short bicycle ride, the butterfly, the cat on your lap, whatever it is,
this is of what we try to speak. All titles are really of one. Life is
but an exploded nexus of being unimaginable and so is love.
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