------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date Sent: Monday, May 13, 2002 9:49 AM
From: Spineless Books
Subject: RE: FWD: yes please!
Status: Urgent New
Spineless Books
www.spinelessbooks.com
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Mon, 13 May 2002 01:26:10 -0400
From: dirk
To: Moinous
Cc: william, rettberg
Subject: Re: yes please!
On Saturday, May 11, 2002, at 10:20 PM, Moinous@aol.com wrote:
> the problem with you unknown guys is tha tyou write too much --
> federman has a verey limited concentration span - meaning he reads two
> paragraphs and then he says am I reading this or am I writing this -
> come out the same in the end of course because all the words you unnown
> guys send federman federman found them already in the dictionary --
> federman writes or rather only rewrites [for all writing is rewriting
> according to roland barthes] the dictionary -- so having said that he
> will not tell his recent road adventure
>
> DRIVING ON THE AUTOBAHM IN THE MIDDLE OF A POEM
>
> I'm driving on the Autobahn minding my own business, 140 kilometers an
> hour, I forget where I was going, it's a lovely fall day, I'm working
> inside my head on the first line of the poem I'm going to write
> tonight, when this car flashes me from behind. Was will er?
> Oh he wants to pass me! Okay, I move over to the other lane. I didn't
> realize I was in the passing lane, it's a nice day.
>
> This big boat, dark green, pulls up next to my trusting, Peugeot 504,
> 1972 model, and der Mann at the wheel gives me the finger (he must have
> notices my U.S. plates), that really burns me, on such a nice day,
> right in the middle of the first line of my poem, something to do with
> the Moon and the question of Truth. I'm so pissed I speed up a bit and
> catch up to the guy's car, a BMW 735.i, brand new, no, it's a Mercedes
> 580, new design, ugly like hell, no style, heavy and clumsy, dark green
> like creamed spinach, four doors, monotone and without chrome.
>
> Sitting next to the guy who gave me the finger, a bleached blonde, fat
> like a tomato, no a potato rather, Idaho potato, real ugly spongy
> Kartoffel, a face like those carved on Mount Rushmore, the one on the
> left, no no, the one in the middle with the curls.
>
> I'm alongside the Mercedes now and I give the guy a sarcastic stare,
> but no finger, I am in the middle of my poem, I feel civil, the poem is
> about the Moon, and it's such a nice day, no need to be antisocial.
> The half bald puffy cheeks sonofabitch with a nose like an onion gives
> me the finger again and pulls away in his brand new panzer spinach with
> not a single scratch on it, yet! Wow am I angry now!
>
> I accelerate, I'm not going to take that kind of shit, just when the
> first words of my poem are almost in place inside my head. My beat-up
> Peugeot (diesel) is a mess, rusty to the bones, but I don't give a
> damn. 180 kilometers an hour now. I pull up next to the fingerman's
> boat and swerve right into it -- CRACK! BANG! I can hear the paint
> crack, the moldings twist, Ja! I can hear the metal buckle. Ah what
> sweet music to the ear. I floor the gas pedal and ma vieille chiotte
> takes off (that old péniche of mine still got something left under the
> hood, even if it farts all over, farts and puffs black smoke into the
> fall air -- hey! nobody is perfect). The onion-nosed bastard can't
> believe it, I see that in my rearview mirror. He has slowed down. He
> doesn't know what to do. If he should stop to check the damage -- his
> cracked paint and his twisted moldings -- or push on to catch up with
> me and punch me in the mouth. Meanwhile I cut sharply in front of a
> big truck, full speed, out of sight, and slide into the Ausfahrt (I
> forget which one) and catch a glimpse of the ugly spinach Mercedes
> speed past the exist, down the Autobahn, and just then, yes, the first
> line, no, the entire first stanza of my poem comes to me:
>
> There are no false question in life
> only dumb questions
> to ask if the moon is made of green cheese
> is not a false question
> it's a dumb question!
>
>
> -next time you collaborate with federman limit yourslef to 500 words
> well chosen out of the dictionary
1. Five
2. Hundred
3. Words
4. for
5. Federman:
6. An
7. Essay
8. the
9. Length
10. of
11. the
12. Traditional
13. Freshman
14. Theme
15. in
16. Which
17. the
18. Author
19. Considers
20. His
21. Latest
22. Assignment
23. Which
24. Is
25, to
26. Write
27. Something--
28. Specifically
29. a
30. Collaborative
31. Piece
32. with
33. Federman--
34. While
35. Limiting
36. Himself
37. [or
38. himslef?]
39. to
40. (quote)
41. 500
42. words
43. well
44. chosen
45. out
46. of
47. the
48. dictionary
49. (unquote)
50. Because
51. Federman
52. Has
53. a
54. (quote)
55. verey
56. limited
57. concentration
58. span
59. (unquote)
60. and
61. Can't
62. Be
63. Expected
64. to
65. Read
66. More
67. Than
68. That
69. at
70. One
71. Sitting
72. or
73. Standing
74. (If
75. for
76. Some
77. Reason
78. Federman
79. Decides
80. to
81. Read
82. While
83. Riding
84. a
85. Very
86. Crowded
87. Subway
88. Train
89. Filled
90. with
91. People
92. Who
93. for
94. Some
95. Unknown
96. Reason
97. Do
98. Not
99. or
100. Cannot
101. or
102. Will
103. Not
104. Recognize
105. Federman
106. and
107. His
108. Contributions
109. to
110. World
111. Literature--
112. No,
113. Make
114. That
115. Galactic
116. Literature--
117. and
118. Therefore--
119. Again,
120. Inextricably--
121. Fail
122. to
123. Offer
124. Federman
125. Their
126. Seats,
127. All
128. of
129. Their
130. Seats,
131. Each
132. and
133. Every
134. One
135. of
136. Their
137. Seats,
138. So
139. That
140. Federman
141. Will
142. Be
143. Able
144. to
145. Choose
146. Whichever
147. Seat
148. Would
149. Best
150. Suit
151. Him
152. and
153. His
154. Mood,
155. Thus
156. Forcing
157. Federman
158. to
159. Stand
160. with
161. One
162. Hand
163. Clutching
164. a
165. Pole
166. [the
167. Metal
168. Kind
169. Not
170. the
171. Slavic
172. Kind]
173. While
174. the
175. Other
176. Hand
177. Holds
178. [Precariously
179. to
180. Be
181. Sure]
182. a
183. Laptop
184. Computer,
185. Which
186. Has
187. One
188. of
189. Those
190. Mousepads
191. that
192. One
193. Usually
194. Uses
195. One's
196. Fingers
197. to
198. Operate
199. Though
200. in
201. This
202. Scenario
203. Federman
204. Has
205. to
206. Use
207. His
208. Nose,
209. the
210. Difficulty
211. of
212. Which
213. Has
214. Been
215. Compounded
216. by
217. the
218. Swaying
219. of
220. the
221. Subway
222. Car
223. Combined
224. with
225. the
226. Sardine-like
227. Conditions,
228. Which
229. Have
230. Been
231. Maximized
232. by
233. the
234. Recently
235. Discovered
236. Fact
237. That
238. This
239. Is
240. a
241. Japanese
242. Subway
243. Car
244. Which
245. Has
246. Been
247. Packed
248. Beyond
249. Its
250. Capacity
251. by
252. Those
253. Subway
254. Employees
255. Who
256. Are
257. Hired
258. to
259. Push
260. as
261. Many
262. People
263. as
264. They
265. Can
266. Into
267. Each
268. Car
269. Before
270. the
271. Doors
272. Close)
273. Which,
274. at
275. First
276. Glance,
277. Appears
278. to
279. Be
280. a
281. Reasonable
282. Assignment
283. Until
284. the
285. Author
286. Realizes
287. That
288. Federman
289. Did
290. Not
291. Say
292. Which
293. Dictionary
294. to
295. Use,
296. Nor
297. Did
298. Federman
299. Explain
300. Whether
301. He
302. Meant
303. the
304. Text
305. Should
306. Consist
307. of
308. Five
309. Hundred
310. Words
311. Total
312. or
313. Whether
314. Five
315. Hundred
316. Different
317. Words
318. Were
319. Required,
320. in
321. Which
322. Case
323. the
324. Text
325. Probably
326. Would
327. Exceed
328. Five
329. Hundred
330. Words
331. Total
332. Because
333. While
334. Everyone
335. Knows
336. that
337. Federman
338. Could
339. Easily
340. (While
341. Walking
342. His
343. Dog,
344. Even)
345. Write
346. Something
347. Five
348. Hundred
349. Words
350. Long
351. Without
352. Repeating
353. a
354. Single
355. Word,
356. Such
357. Feats
358. are
359. Beyond
360. the
361. Reach
362. of
363. Mere
364. Mortals,
365. Nor
366. Did
367. Federman
368. Define
369. What
370. (quote)
371. well
372. chosen
373. (unquote)
374. Means,
375. What
376. Criteria
377. to
378. Use
379. to
380. Establish
381. Well
382. Chosen-ness,
383. Nor
384. Did
385. Federman
386. Follow
387. His
389. Own
390. Advice
391. in
392. His
393. Autobahn
394. Tale
395. Which
396. Contains
397. Five
398. Hundred
399. and
400. Ninety-one
401. Words,
402. Though
403. This
404. "Lapse"
405. Is
406. Easily
407. Explained
408. By
409. Two
410. Unassailable
411. Facts:
412. One,
413. Federman
414. Is
415. Not
416. Collaborating
417. with
418. Federman,
419. as
420. Is
421. the
422. Author
423. of
424. This
425. Essay,
426. Because
427. Federman
428. Is
429. Federman
430. and
431. One
432. Cannot
433. Collaborate
434. with
435. Oneself
436. (Though
437. William
438. Might
439. Argue
440. That
441. That's
442. Exactly
443. What
444. One
445. Is
446. Doing
447. While
448. Masturbating)
449. and
450. Two,
451. Federman
452. Makes
453. the
454. Rules
455. So
456. Federman
457. Can
458. Break
459. the
460. Rules,
461. Nor
462. Has
463. Federman
464. Explained
465. How
466. to
467. Overcome
468. an
469. Even
470. More
471. Insurmountable
472. Problem
473. of
474. How
475. Can
476. One
477. Collaborate
478. with
479. Federman
480. Using
481. "words
482. well
483. chosen
484. out
485. the
486. dictionary"
487. When
488. None
489. of
490. the
491. Dictionaries
492. Available
493. to
494. the
495. Author
496. Have
497. an
498. Entry
499. for
500. Federman