four wings are better than two yet
my life is a play for ambivalent you


I have discovered something that has proven to be invaluable to me. If I were to develop an insatiate longing for you, and I were never to communicate it to you, you could never discourage me. you could never turn me down. you could never rapidly and clumsily formulate a list of reasons to rationalize your lack of reciprocal affection. This new discovery has allowed me, without your permission, to build a new and improved lifestyle designed to mirror your ideals, geared towards psychic and physical self-improvement, and free of chemical crutches with which to absolve myself and resolve each day in a convenient shattering of short-term anxieties and ambitions. By obscuring my love for you from everyone except myself, I have found a happiness truer than I have experienced in years. It is a happiness detached from the reality in which your favor is directed at gentlemen of an entirely different flavor. It is a perfect love that will never have to be exposed as awkward poetic impetuousness, that will never expect to be returned. It is love removed from hope and it will thus never be shattered. Now I am slowly severing all other human attachments, strengthening in independence, reading writing running eating drinking sleeping (forcibly) ignoring sex avoiding drugs and losing interest in rock and roll. You are yours. My lips are closed and I am free to dream anything I please. And the time I take from my everyday to try to make you happier is more than refunded in my glorious and manic ability to refuse sleep food comfort and fun in favor of nights spent composing invisible letters to you that nobody will ever read. I love you and that alone will somehow do ...

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