29 October 1999

William Gillespie & Ruth Wyman

Cats On the Hill

Washington D.C. AP (Associated Poets) Republican lawmakers today attempted to repeal Medicat. Medicat, the well-known feline retirement program, was to be one of many vetrinary welfare programs to be rolled back this year.

The GOP had believed that Medicat could be cut without much risk of public outcry. Once again the Republican Congress underestimated the public caterwaul their slashings would invoke. Legislation such as Medicat, they found out, not only has nine lives but always lands on its feet.

Today, minutes before the Medicat vote was to take place, 1,000,000 cats entered the capitol building, overwhelming security, and forcing many congresspeople - Jesse Helms among the most allergic of them - to evacuate.

Outside, on Capitol Hill, many influencial feline groups held demonstrations and distributed literature. Organizations sponsoring the event included AARC (the American Association of Retired Cats), the influential Kitty Coalition - a conservative pro-anti-spaying-and-neutering group whose lobbyists hold considerable influence over the legislature, and Greenpaws, an environmental activist organization that has worked to prevent the extinction of many endangered species of bird and fish. Greenpaws had a stack of petitions with 10,000 pawprints protesting the rollback of Medicat.

According to CNN (Cat News Network), the demonstration was mostly peaceful although there were a few isolated catnip-related arrests. C-SPAN covered the entire demonstration, including the chaos that ensued when thousands of angry cats, led by the Clinton's own cat Socks, prowled through the halls of congress, tails fluffed.

Although claws were bared, there were no scratchings reported.

In the end, Republican lawmakers agreed to table the proposed cutback of Medicat until after the November 2000 elections. Socks ended the rally by reminding cats everywhere to lobby for feline-supported Democats in the upcoming elections.

It has been rumored that former television personality Morris, with running-mate Kitty Dukakis, is planning to campaign for the Democats nomination.

37 million American felines receive Medicat.