Distribution: 3 Printed in Urbana Wednesday, 5 March 1998 FREE Logic Quiz Part 2: IDENTIFY AT LEAST FIVE LOGICAL FALLACIES If Bill Clinton doesn't veto the plan to buy more B-2 Bombers, it won't surprise me: he's not trustworthy, we all know that, so if he lets the Pentagon buy more B-2 Bombers then we have proof that it's a bad idea. Where there's smoke, there's fire: all this surplus weaponry is going to lead us into war. This bomber can't go out in the rain: this is why the American people don't get to vote on every item in the Pentagon's budget. I don't see how buying more of these bombers can possibly be a good idea, so it must not be. If they do not make good decisions, they will waste money: well, money is being wasted so they must have made a bad decision. And a bad decision is bad. And take the F-117A: if an F-117A falls apart during an airshow and crashes into an elderly woman's garage, injuring her, then these planes are useless. If the people who balanced the budget knew what they were doing, there would be no poverty or crime: well there is poverty and crime in this country, so I say we throw them out of office, whoever they are. First they cut welfare, then their planes start crashing: I think the planes are trying to tell us something. But what can we, as humanitarians, do: either we cut military spending and get invaded by Canada, or we have a military and let our nation's elderly women dodge crashing stealth fighters. When they say they are going to build more stealth bombers, then everyone can see them coming; therefore everyone can see the stealth fighters coming and they aren't doing their job. The elderly woman survived this time, next time she won't be so lucky. I mean, a stealth fighter is a plane you can't see coming; but now that it's been acknowledged in the New York Times that we're building nine more, I think everybody can see them coming. Furthermore, it's unlikely that the U.S. will win another war we used up all our good luck in the Persian Gulf. 150,000 disabled children are having their supplemental security income cut to save $800 million a year, the cost of less than one-third of a B-2 bomber. So the cost of the next nine bombers could feed 31 million disabled children. C'mon!: the cold war is obviously not a hot priority anymore. And in the Air Force's official denial that the B-2 is unfit for combat, they described it as a national asset; the only way a $two million bomber can be an asset is if we sell it to an enemy for $three million. All those in favor of buying more B-2's must be afraid of war; well, people who are afraid do not make rational decisions, therefore anyone who favors the B-2 must be paranoid and irrational. No welfare mom ever fell apart in mid-air and destroyed an elderly woman's garage; destroying a garage is a waste of money, therefore no welfare mom is a waste of money. At an air show, an F-117A fell apart!; a plane that falls apart is worthless, therefore stealth fighters are worthless. Therefore, in conclusion, I think we should give every welfare mom a stealth fighter. |
