Newspoem 11 April 1996

Michael Jordan, the best player in basketball, who has won the MVP award a few times, two National Collegiate Athletic Association Championships, two Olympic Gold Medals, numerous all-star appearances and scoring titles, and is currently leading the league with 31.1 points per game; has accepted the Republican Party’s nomination as presidential candidate. Jordan announced yesterday that Noam Chomsky, linguist, would be his running mate. In a private conference this afternoon, Jordan confessed that he decided to accept the offer because of his hatred of Bob Dole: “That Dole guy parks in the handicapped spot at the liquor store. Next time that dude calls me up in the middle of the night asking to bum a cigarette I’m gonna leave it outside for him, in the rain.”