Sunday April 7 1996 Apparently, more than one character was napping on the softball
field forcing an angry team manager to threaten to withhold food: that woke
them up! In an unrelated story, a spider lost a contact lens and a cat killed
it with a rolled-up newspaper: and crushed its contact lens! Meanwhile some
Vikings are marching into battle to the triumphant music of…: a triangle!
In an unrelated story a white golfer forgot everything on the course today:
including his wallet! Meanwhile a bunch of white people with blonde hair prefer
the Easter bunny: Santa Claus is a moralizer. Meanwhile another white person
shouldn’t have washed his car: a robin shat on it! Meanwhile, filling
in for Bil Keane, little Billy draws this Easter cartoon. In a different neighborhood,
a white mother of two shamed her nerdy husband: she delivered a concise maxim
of antiintellectualism! In a tree, a bunch of birds weren’t playing
dice: they were trying to figure out what was in the gumbo! A white king looking
for Easter eggs was embarrassed: he interrupted a church service and ordered
the execution of the Easter Bunny! Meanwhile a white superhero in an exotic
land full of monsters was shocked: there was weird genetic engineering stuff
going on! A white woman on a different page was sent running to find a husband
and breed more white people. A white child in the suburbs playing softball
was embarrassed: he aimed funny! A white dog rolling in manure made the kind
of mistake only a dog could: he attributed it to the Easter cow. In an unrelated
story lower on the page, a white man with a tie working late in an office
job was treated unfairly by his white male boss: but he didn’t care!
Meanwhile, more white people parents fooled one of their children: it thought
it stopped time but it didn’t! Under the surface of that scenario was
a shark calling for surf on a teleshell speaking to a crab emerging from a
beer can labeled “beer:” hang up! White people: enjoy children,
meaningless office jobs, cute animals, Easter, barbarians, and patriarchy!
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