24 February 1996

Today two offical government panels reported that almost every human being is equal, unique, and perfect. They also reported that a great many people are almost equal, nearly unique, or close to perfect. The panels' findings were very parallel in this regard, However, they were not quite parallel in other findings. One panel almost unanimously admitted that some people were more unique than others. The other panel then very unanimously accused the first panel of being less than omniscient. This proved to be a very fatal remark given the very totally unfortunate press coverage which ensued. The trouble was more than infinite.