Seizure
November 21, 2001
Traveling Editorial Roadshow
introduction by Dirk Stratton
Nigel: Greetings Champaign!
Phillip: And greetings Urbana!
N: I’m Nigel Plushroot . . .
P: And I’m Phillip Leadmore . . .
N: And we’re here for another thrilling segment of . . .
P: The Traveling Editorial Roadshow .
N: Every other week, we leave our comfortable East Side apartments, cross the Brooklyn Bridge, and head for public access stations throughout the hinterlands of this great nation of ours in search of publishable manuscripts.
P: We’ve always had this suspicion, you see, that perhaps several great but undiscovered writers were somehow living someplace other than in New York, as hard as that may be to imagine, and the Traveling Editorial Roadshow is our way of testing that theory.
N: But whether or not we find that elusive "next big thing," there’s undoubtedly the satisfaction of providing editorial assistance to struggling writers everywhere, particularly those who most probably would never have a chance of their work being looked at by a New York editor, given that their manuscripts would quite likely be weeded out by our administrative assistants and discarded in the trash.
P: Right you are, Nigel. It’s all about the writing.
N: And the occasional blockbuster!
(Both laugh raucously.)
P: In any case, this week’s edition of the Roadshow will operate no differently than any of the others. A group of expectant and eager authors are huddled in the small waiting room just outside this studio. One by one we’ll ask them come join us around the crackling microphones, read their manuscript, then Nigel or I will give it our honest assessment.
N: And if anything really lights up our gonads, who knows, it could be time to pull out the old standard book contract and whip out the checkbook to give some lucky author a big advance.
P: Wouldn’t that be exciting. Hasn’t happened yet, but you never know: this might be the week, folks.
N: Let’s hope so. It’s getting harder and harder to convince management that this is the best approach.
P: Let the bean counters count their beans, I always say.
N: Uh . . . right. Keep counting and get out of my way: I’ve got literature to discover.
P: Indeed. Let’s get started shall we? Tonight’s first potential author is...